Understanding Your Attachment Style (And Why It Shows Up Everywhere)

Written By Sonia Gonzalez

Have you ever noticed a pattern in how you show up in relationships? Maybe you tend to pull back when things start feeling really close, or you find yourself needing a lot of reassurance from the people you care about. Maybe you're the friend who overanalyzes a slightly-too-short text message. If any of that sounds familiar, you're not alone — and there's actually a name for it: attachment style.

What Is Attachment, Really?

Attachment theory explains how the relationships we had early in life — usually with parents or caregivers — shape the way we connect with others as adults. Depending on how consistently our emotional needs were met growing up, we tend to develop one of a few patterns:

  • Secure attachment — comfortable with both closeness and independence

  • Anxious attachment — craves closeness, often worries about being left or not enough

  • Avoidant attachment — values independence, sometimes uncomfortable with too much closeness

  • Disorganized attachment — wanting connection while also fearing it, often shaped by inconsistent early experiences

Why This Matters in Your Everyday Life

Attachment style doesn't just show up in romantic relationships — it shapes friendships, family dynamics, and even your relationship with yourself. If you've ever wondered why you react a certain way during conflict, distance, or vulnerability, your attachment patterns are often part of that answer.

Here's the reassuring part: attachment styles aren't permanent. With awareness, support, and some intentional work, it's absolutely possible to move toward what's known as earned secure attachment — building healthier, steadier ways of connecting, even if that wasn't modeled for you growing up.

How Therapy Can Help

In our work together, we don't just identify your attachment style — we explore where it came from, how it's shown up across your relationships, and what feeling more secure could genuinely look like for you. It's some of the most meaningful work I get to do alongside my clients.

If this resonates with you, I'd love to talk.

Sonia Gonzalez